your thong is hanging out like whoa
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
