Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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