My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
