saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
