Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A bitchslap is in order.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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