I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We need to rekindle our bromance
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
