Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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