Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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