Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
