no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Actions speak louder than pants.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also, beer. Big fan.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
