I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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