he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
