dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
