You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
