started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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