the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
