She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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