I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
either way he was missing a nipple.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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