And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
