Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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