Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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