Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
