Tell her she can't have a vagina
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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