Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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