Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
