3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
