there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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