oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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