Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
