just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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