I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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