I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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