Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
