sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I see more hoeing in ur future
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