He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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