just come out here and I will go home with you...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
