maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
