Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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