we have pet lesbian snakes
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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