Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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