Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
