I think I just saw someone hide a body.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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