you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
