i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
