Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I lost the right to judge tonight
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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