Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
