and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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