I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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