I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
