She is in my trunk
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You're like the curious george of whores
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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