Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
