I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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