pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
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I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
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So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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