hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Say something about gay babies.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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