Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
