I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
