HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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