So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
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Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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