If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize