Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
