just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
