If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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