Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
