The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
