i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
