remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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