I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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