TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
