There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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