can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
