I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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