so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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