She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
